hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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