party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
