how hairy? two words: wookie tits
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
