U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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