she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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