I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
