Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I got chris browned last night
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
