you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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