Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
