I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
