haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
