Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Randomize
