Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
