google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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