the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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