i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize