I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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