Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
