So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
