My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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