Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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