Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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