Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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