i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
