He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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