allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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