Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize