I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
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My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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