I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
