I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
