Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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