are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
