I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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