if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
