I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
