I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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