then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
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you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
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Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize