Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
