Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
