she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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