connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
