Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
