so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
