dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
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My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
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I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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