im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
