Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
