You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
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I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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