That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
