I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
