I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
