I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
