i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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