Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
