dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
She tied me up with her honor cords...
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
