apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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