i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
