I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
