Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
