I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
