JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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