When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
