we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
