remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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