I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
