please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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