Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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