all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
