is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
