nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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