the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
