so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I will be naked everywhere
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
